Introducing the PrinceofNothingPresents No-Artpunk Contest!

PrinceofNothing

High Executarch
Staff member
Hey you! Do you like DnD? Are you tired of Artpunk? Are your eyes still bleeding from funky font choices and garish layout nonsense while all you want to do is kill goblins in a beautifully jaqueyed dungeon? Do you want your children to be safe? Well so am I! Everyone is always talking about Artpunk, but no one does something about it. Today that changes!

It is with immense pride, conviction, confidence and other emotions that I present to you the official, PrinceofNothing NoArtpunk Contest, where we drive back the dirty Artpunk hordes by making modules that exemplify the craftsmanship, finesse, and resistance to change that the OSR stands for. And for that I need YOU!


The Only Rule is that there are NO RULES.

No wait that’s not actually true. Okay. Here’s what I need from you. Send me your dungeon adventures. These are the rules:

– Must be for a traditional system (AD&D, Basic or OD&D) or one of its near derivatives (ACKS, Labyrinth Lord, OSE, OSRIC, Swords & Wizardy etc.). 2e is allowed but no funky settings (Planescape, Spelljammer et. al).

– Must involve a dungeon adventure, about 20-30 rooms, stocked with book items and book monsters (that means DMG, MM, Fiend Folio, MM2 & Creature Compendium). You are allowed A SINGLE NEW MAGIC ITEM, MAGIC SPELL and a SINGLE NEW MONSTER of your own invention. Wilderness area is allowed as long as it does not exceed in length the Dungeon component of the adventure.

– For purposes of this adventure, Dungeon can also mean a Ruined Keep, Building, Cavern complex, Tomb, crashed Starship, Earthen Pit, Oversized Latrine, Petrified Elasmosaurus or anything that has rooms with interconnecting passageways.

– Despite this restriction, it must be exciting, fantastic, and fun!

– Level range is whatever you can think you can fit in a dungeon of 23-30 rooms. If you are a beginner at Oldschool D&D, its probably a good idea to go with a lower level range but that’s up to you.

– Number of pages is up to you, don’t go too overboard. 5-20 pages + maps is a good benchmark.

– Presentation and layout should be whatever you want. Worddoc, Plain text or Paint. Homemade maps, terrible self-drawn paint art, is all welcome.

– Send the end result to princeofnothingblogs@yahoo.com.


The Prize: ONE MILLION DOLLARS.


Update: I just checked with Aaron and it turns out Merciless Merchants HQ does not have ONE MILLION DOLLARS in prize money, but it does have A DELUXE EDITION COPY OF PALACE OF UNQUIET REPOSE, FEATURING THE BONUS ADVENTURE THE SCREAMING CAVERNS. The best entry wins a free print + PDF copy (excluding. Printing + shipping costs). The second best entry wins a free PDF copy of the same.

Duration and Procedure: Contest duration is until the end of August. At the end of these month the Judge, Myself, will gather the 8 most worthy entries and bundle them together in a single publication, entitled Not Artpunk, to be made available as PWYW on Drivethru by The Merciless Merchants, with the dozens of dollars generated from this venture going entirely over to the Autism Research Institute non-profit organization[1]. If fewer than 8 entries are handed in, all of them will be published, unless they are of such wretched quality that they are unworthy even of PWYW publication, in which case I will throw up my hands and burn down this whole project in disgust.

So START WRITING.

Still not convinced? People are suffering from Artpunk every day. These are their stories:

“It’s terrible. I went out to buy a module but all I got was a .jpg of a dead bird with a cigarette put out in it. I think I am going to be sick.”
– Anonymous, Artpunk survivor

“They sit there in their creepy club houses, making that infernal racket. What do they do up there? It’s the Mark of the Beast I tell you.”
– Miss Gertrude Schoenmaker, Homeless Cat Lady

“I can’t hold a job. I am estranged from my family. My health has degraded. Artpunk and Drug addiction has ruined my life.”
– Venger Satanis, Za’akier

“I did a search for Mörk Börg on itch.io. Who would do such a thing? Not just once, but again and again, endlessly, atrocity piled upon atrocity. What happened to us? What happened to the American Dream?!?”
– Anonymous, Artpunk survivor

“I attended a session of Patrick Stuart’s at Gencon. He just sat there for 8 hours, motionless, staring at my groin. He never said a word. Or maybe that was a dream I had. Huh.”
-PrinceofNothing, Artpunk expert

“I think I read one once. What’s wrong with these people? I’m afraid to leave the house. I don’t feel safe anymore.”
– Kathy, brave young woman (fictional)

“…I Have A Dream…”
– Martin Luther King



All joking Aside; Too many OSR adventures are coming out that focus on layout, artstyle, or off-the-wall ideas. Surface level pyrotechnics. No staying power or depth. Not enough adventures focus on content, craftsmanship, good maps, player agency and emergent gameplay. This contest is meant to force you to innovate under pressure, discover what makes DnD tick and produce something memorable and fun within those confines. ART FROM ADVERSITY.

Do you have anywhere to begin?
You might want to check out the old Judges Guild Modules Caverns of Thracia, TSR’s GDQ series, Strabonus, Hyqueous Vaults or adventures by Albie Fiorie or Rob Kuntz.

Any other Questions?
Can be mailed to princeofnothing@yahoo.com.

SO START WRITING DUMMY. GLORY & TREASUR AWAITS!!!1!oneone!.

And spread the word. I have heard it said that people on r/OSR and the OSR Discord really love contests.


[1] https://www.autism.org/
 
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squeen

8, 8, I forget what is for
Love it! I might have have a go at it since it's such a worthy cause. I will, as is my predilection, ignore the rules and be disqualified...but that's OK because I already own all the prizes. :)

(Also, I will miss the deadline because that's how I typically roll.)
 

The Heretic

Should be playing D&D instead
– For purposes of this adventure, Dungeon can also mean a Ruined Keep, Building, Cavern complex, Tomb, crashed Starship, Earthen Pit, Oversized Latrine, Petrified Elasmosaurus or anything that has rooms with interconnecting passageways.
An oversized lettuce? How would that work? Looseleaf, bibb, or iceberg? Oh! Romaine! A lettuce tower! I think cabbage would work better though.

<adjusts glasses>

OH! Oversized latrine. Nevermind!
 

PrinceofNothing

High Executarch
Staff member
Love it! I might have have a go at it since it's such a worthy cause. I will, as is my predilection, ignore the rules and be disqualified...but that's OK because I already own all the prizes. :)

(Also, I will miss the deadline because that's how I typically roll.)
3 MONTHS Damnit Squeen!
 

PrinceofNothing

High Executarch
Staff member
So how Do I Actually Make Something Interesting Without New Content Prince?

I'm thinking about doing some sort of blog post about how to design adventures that are good while using a mostly standard set of monsters and treasure and I think there are a couple of different approaches that might yield some fruit. I am terrible at essays that are not reviews but bear with me.

1. The First Thing to remember is that the Header is actually a lie. You are restricted in your choice of monsters, items and the like but you are not restricted in general concepts, traps, weirdness, magical effects, mundane treasure and map layout (beyond the number of rooms). In addition you are of course free to come up with interesting descriptions, minor tweaks, atmospheric description or unusual monster use (the old Balor riding on a Gorgon trope). If you prefer a top-down approach, it might be totally viable to come up with a adventure first, and then tweak it a little if whatever your concept requires to work doesn't have an analogy in the 3+ monster manuals that are available for classic D&D and its retro-clones.

2. If you prefer a bottom-up approach, why not dust off your copy of Monster Manual 2 and just go through it, page by page, absorbing its richness one Erol Otus illustration at a time, allowing its quixotic menagerie culled from a good chunk of the entire mythological canon to seep into your mind until you are wandering into far off lands, and you discover strange places that have not seen the light of day? Just because you are using the MM doens't mean you have to make a cave with 12 orcs, 3 stirges in the storeroom and a patch of brown mould on a treasure chest. Consider the Charming Chaos From Mount Dorren from White Dwarf #32, a lair of gnome bandits riding pteranodons. Think back to all those fucking dinosaurs in the MM2. What about all the rëtarded monsters from FF that no sane ecosystem could bring forth? Think about Tar Pits of the Bone Toilers and its Cave Men. A title begins to form; Nightmare Warrens of the Glue Masters. The Whirling Tomb of Ying-Shaan-Lung. I Have Witnessed Great Sacaroth And Have Tasted The Blood Of The Iron Kings. The Last WatchTower. The Temple of the Dreaming God. Entire realms can be conjured forth from a good title. Such wondrous potential is encased in D&D, and one need merely grab it! Or maybe cheat, and use the expurgated version of Deities and Demi-gods with the Lovecraft Bestiary and then add shitty laser weapons from an article in Dragon Magazine that no one has ever read or used!

3. Probably don't do an Orc Lair or a B2 Clone if you want to do a ripoff. There are adventures that are absolutely worth imitating or even improving upon. For whatever reason Tegel Manor has produced a handful of worthy homages, pastiches and sequels. But what about Caverns of Tjocanth? Or House of Tizun Thane? Or Thieves of Fortress Badabaskor (?) ?

4. This isn't creative writing one-oh-one, and you aren't trying to sell me a 200 million dollar movie script. You don't have to stunt write or go super high concept (but you can if you want to). Sometimes you come up with a brilliant concept but always remember that in adventure writing it is THE EXECUTION that counts. Dynamic encounters, mapping technique, description, volatility and a certain je ne sais quois that brings it all to life. And THAT'S where you get to use your one item, monster and/or spell. There was an Adventure in Dungeon that used heavy S&S tropes and it had ZERO magic in it. Now that adventure failed because of utility issues and some railroadery stuff, but it COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT. Think of your concept as the blurb in the doom manual, and your adventure as the actual fucking maps of the thing. Sometimes you just make a lair and its just good. You want to use Stirges? Use that one monster for a Psionic Stirge Queen. Go nuts. Some thralls. Maybe some zombies with stirge hives in them, that burst open so they swarm you. Have you ever made a proper Giant Insect Lair (there is one in the Dungeoneer though)? Is someone using the damn things for something? Is it the Kender? There are no excuses for failure. Maybe you will make some sort of indian-themed palace with only animals with an evil cult led by a Rakshasa. Creativity is overrated.

Uh, yeah.
 

Commodore

*eyeroll*
I'm fond of the basic rubric of: "Could a hypothetical pacifist party complete this dungeon?" Not that fighting is bad, but the default interaction with multiple avenues to bypass it is something that can be out-talked, out-thought, or outrun in lieu of hitting it with hammers.
 

PrinceofNothing

High Executarch
Staff member
I like that too. Its more in the spirit of the original game I think, as long as you don't fall into the opposite Torment: Tides of Numenera trap of trying to make every course of action viable in every situation.

First entry is in btw!
 

Ola J

A FreshHell to Contend With
This is great. Probably don't have the time to contribute, but promise I'll be thinking about it at least twice a week all summer and imagine what a badass I could have made.
 

PrinceofNothing

High Executarch
Staff member
I have issued the challenge to the module holmgang to Patrick Stuart, Thane of the Artpunkmen, but he seems reluctant to accept. Give him time and do not be too hard on his initial cowardice, shameful and emasculating though it may be. I ask you all to remember that firewood can be very expensive, and I am told entire forests are fed into his hearth that his ancient bones may be spared the bite of winter.
 

squeen

8, 8, I forget what is for
From Patricks blog on "What is Artpunk?" post:
PS said:
If you want a 'ten commandments' then this breakdown from the famous Scrap thread works as well as any;

1. This is a game about interacting with this world as if it were a place that exists.
2. Killing things is not the goal.
3. There is nothing that is "supposed" to happen.
4. Unknowability and consequence make everything interesting.
5. You play as your character, not as the screenwriter writing your character.
6. It's your job to make your character interesting and to make the game interesting for you.
7. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
8. The answer is not on your character sheet.
9 .Things are swingy.

10. You will die
Surprisingly, I think both sides in this form-over-substance war are claiming the same higher ground. I agree with much of this (in particular #5), but have no idea what #9 means. I think both sides have initially set up their trench-line against the modern story-gamer. Both are OSR in the sense that what D&D had turned into (a casual game-night affair where everyone gets to be "special") is out-right rejected for something a bit edgier. There are winners and loser (again), highs and lows. This is not sanitized and safe D&D.

The Artpunk vs. Non-Artpunk (Classic?...always difficult having your identity defined as not-something-else) D&D fight seems to be between OSR cousins, or more accurate a struggle for the direction of the OSR.

Don't get me wrong. I have zero interest in the non-text-mainly-art products and I find most of the Artpunk "adult content" unusable and/or too-intentionally-hip for my table. But this list of Artpunk self-identification is telling of common roots.

Also from that same post, apparently Artpunk identity and politics are intimately intertwined. I think that's both self-serving and self-limiting. This comes off as yet-another invented "in crowd" who require all members to act and think the same. A historically proven "bad move".
 
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squeen

8, 8, I forget what is for
Thanks man. I was trying not to be too harsh on Patrick and his crowd, because I have great respect for him (Ben L. and others), but in this case I think he is barking up the wrong tree. We all indulge our vices from time to time, and tend to want-what-we-want across the board.

Is it automatically "politics" if it involves three or more people? I think maybe so.
 
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Commodore

*eyeroll*
Crap. Reading comprehension failure, I saw "20-30" rooms and for some reason read "30-40". Mapped something with forty rooms even without counting the vast underground chamber leading to a time-lost Lost World. Bummer.
 

squeen

8, 8, I forget what is for
Crap. Reading comprehension failure, I saw "20-30" rooms and for some reason read "30-40". Mapped something with forty rooms even without counting the vast underground chamber leading to a time-lost Lost World. Bummer.
Ya. I'm at 50.
 

PrinceofNothing

High Executarch
Staff member
That was a fun exchange. Patrick has a great sense of humor.

Crap. Reading comprehension failure, I saw "20-30" rooms and for some reason read "30-40". Mapped something with forty rooms even without counting the vast underground chamber leading to a time-lost Lost World. Bummer.
Someone already asked if it was a huge problem if you went overboard. It is permissable, as long as you don't go crazy town. It's meant as a sort of lower boundary to prevent the current 5 room I can haz dungeon format.

Ya. I'm at 50.
IF IT CAN WRITE THEN IT CAN MAKE THE DEADL1N3!!!ONE
 
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squeen

8, 8, I forget what is for
Ah. Rough draft does not equal finished. So many facets to polish. We must have our standards, old boy.
 
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Commodore

*eyeroll*
So my submission candidate is playtested, which means it's mostly keyed and the dungeon proper is mapped, at least. I'm realize as I go through the flavor of where it was set (1450's Ethiopia) comes through pretty strongly. Did you want the assumed setting to be at bog standard "Grey Forgotten Hawk Realms" for anthology purposes?
 
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