I made a blank map...

Malrex

So ... slow work day? Every day?
Ok....my adventure is done....
From Trollback Keep's review:
"Slick S. says:
March 6, 2019 at 1:20 pm
You guys should do the art yourselves, regardless of skill level. The amateur OD&D-era drawings are super endearing and some of my favorites, in spite of (maybe even because of) how “bad” they are."

Challenge accepted Slick. All drawings performed by Malrex. One camera picture of one of my twin stepdaughter's art project from ceramic class, but the rest was lovingly drawn to the best of my ability....TAKE THAT!


May throw this up on my Blog for shits and giggles. Good fun!

Going to read your dungeon now Puhson!
 

Malrex

So ... slow work day? Every day?
I've read your Malrex; nice take on the venue. I dig the art lol
Haha, thanks man. I really wish I could draw, may take some classes someday if I find time.
I really enjoyed yours too! Is that 3rd edition flavor or something else?
I liked the magic items and that curse...wicked stuff!
 

Grützi

Should be playing D&D instead
Still need some time to get this done.
Resumed working after nine months of paternity leave last week ... So i have a bit of stuff on my plate right now :)
Will get this done nontheless ... Eventually ;-)
 

Brookmere

A FreshHell to Contend With
Hello, new here. I saw Malrex post about this on MeWe and it looked fun.

I came up with a goofy idea while taking my kids to the nature reserve yesterday.

I'm going to try to put something together before the deadline, but if I don't make it, it will still push me to get my ideas down.
 

Malrex

So ... slow work day? Every day?
Hello, new here. I saw Malrex post about this on MeWe and it looked fun.

I came up with a goofy idea while taking my kids to the nature reserve yesterday.

I'm going to try to put something together before the deadline, but if I don't make it, it will still push me to get my ideas down.
Looking forward to it! The more the merrier I say.
 

Grützi

Should be playing D&D instead
And i'm done :)
Got a little bigger than I expected and I'm still not quite happy with some of it ... but theres a deadline to be made ;)

The cistern of the three-eyed dwarves

The cover arttook me the longest :p (not really ...)

Any criticism is most welcome ;)

Edit: cleaned up some minor things here and there ;)
And I would post it on my blog tomorrow like malrex did on his ;)
 
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Brookmere

A FreshHell to Contend With
No way I'm making the deadline of today, so consider me out of the running. I'm about halfway done. I figure I'll have something done by this time next week.
 

Malrex

So ... slow work day? Every day?
It's very obvious to me that there are some artists out there quaking in their boots about some new art titans out there...but I think Grutzi beats me with his artistic skill....by quite a huge margin. I'm not a huge fan of single column layout Grutzi, BUT...what you did I think works!! The line break-ups, and the different symbols...very easy to scan and a very interesting idea!
I love how a 20 room dungeon brings out so much creativity!
 

Grützi

Should be playing D&D instead
I don't think I will dethrone any established artist with my skills ;) Yet my girlfriend once said that I am one of those sadcases where talent is obviousl there, but it was simply never trained into anything useful.

The only area I'm halfway good is drawing maps in the LotR-Tolkien style (which I shamelessly stole ;) )

I have to say that this contest wasn't only a fun little exercise for me, but I also see it as a tremendous opportunity to learn and as kind of a testbed for some ideas of mine.

The symbols should work as a kind of beacon, anchoring the view to what is important.
I also hoped the distinction between "First impression" and "closer look" could help, although I have to say I could have done more with that.

While I completely agree that single column almost never works, I don't think two columns are the end all solution here.
I read most of my bought adventures and stuff on my computer, the page zoomed in so that only part of the page is shown on the screen.
The big "jump" from end column one to beginning column two always bothers me. To counteract that I tried to organize the page into several two column segments based on content ... see page 6 to 8 for that.
(Altough I goofed up on page 4 ... that could be better organized if the rustrot hive segment was besides the cult of galvanus segment and the two shorter segments underneath them)

For some other pages i felt, that single column would really work better ... big tables or text segments ... see page 3 and 5 for that.

I tried to mix it up here and there so that it doesnt become a boring wall of text or something like that. Shake the reader up every now and then by slightly changing the format.

I also tried to keep every room on one page ... mostly ... room 10 is the only one who uses 2 pages...

Another thing are the random encounters ... in many adventures i think more could be done with random encounters .. specificially with the way they are rolled and the way they are organized. I had some other systems in mind but these were to complex to be used here.
You mostly roll IF an encounter happens and then WHAT encounter happens ... there is a lot of room for creativity here.

Lastly ... this whole thing isn't balanced in the slightest or even playtested ;)
 
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Grützi

Should be playing D&D instead
Thanks squeen :)

So how do we do this now? Shall each of us review the others entries and we choose the winner? Will Bryce do the honors? Open poll of everyone on the forum? Call it quits, go drink a beer and talk about the green demon face in some infamous tomb?
 

Malrex

So ... slow work day? Every day?
I'm open to whatever. I did the contest because it sounded fun, but I think it could have a good learning opportunity/component to it. I've never reviewed an adventure before, but happy to do it for anyone in exchange to review my adventure. I'd want it to be truthful and not afraid to hold back punches and I would do the same. Errr, maybe hold back the punches on the art....just focus on the adventure itself. And happy to send the review through direct message rather than in public or whatever is desired.

But I think an outside source should vote on "who wins". Someone on the forums would work if Bryce is too busy...maybe Prince? Melan? Squeen?! Or a public poll would work if people want to be anonymous. These contests are serious business!!! But, we need to make it legit....we had a contest, we need a prize. So whoever is voted the winner out of the three of you (if Brookmere sends in his efforts), I'll email a crisp, unwrinkled pdf of one of my published adventures of the winner's choice.
 

Grützi

Should be playing D&D instead
Peer reviews:
If you review mine I'll review yours .. sounds good. Let's do that trough direct message Malrex. No punches shall be held back ... except in the art department ;) Same goes for you DangerousPuhson (If you want ;) )
Im happy about everyone who reviews my adventure really. One can only learn from such things and I've not yet reached the level of hubris that I won'T listen to criticism.
I'm also not really against anyone posting a review of my stuff here or elsewhere. I only ask that you include a link to my blog (I can use the publicity :p )

Deciding the winner:
I'm with you on the "outside source" who decides the winner. Bryce, Prince, Melan, Squeen ... no problem with any of them from my side.

Prize:
Thats mighty generous of you ... I'm beginning to suspect you are a somewhat nice guy :unsure: ... maybe I will even forgive you for stealing my pencils.
Sadly I can offer no such gift to the winner. I'm rather new to this whole thing after all.
 

Malrex

So ... slow work day? Every day?
Peer Reviews:
Sounds good. I'll show you the review first after I'm done...and if you are ok with it, maybe Ill post here and on my blog with links to yours. I probably wont be able to get to it till next weekend..or the following. Got some projects I need to finish up. I'm fine with you posting it in public.

Deciding winner:
What's best way to get someone interested in being a judge?

Prize:
Well...wait till after your review first....before you think I'm nice...hah, I jest...maybe...
 

Grützi

Should be playing D&D instead
Peer Reviews:
Roger that ;)
Malrex said:
I probably wont be able to get to it till next weekend..or the following.
No rush. I will have to take a bit of time too ... these a local convention i help to organize coing down around here and I have a lot of stuff to prepare ;)

Deciding winner:
Booze? Appealing to ones humani ... forget I wrote that ;)
Really I've got nothing. Maybe we should just ask nicely.

Prize:
You worry me, friend.
 

DangerousPuhson

Should be playing D&D instead
Is there anybody out there currently working on their own dungeon for this but missed the deadline? Because if so, I'm willing to wait for your submission, then I'mma judge this bitch myself (excluding my own entry, naturally) - I started this, so I may as well run it. it'll just be nice if I can choose between more than two options, ya? Basically guaranteed at least a bronze if you post up soon... :)
 

DangerousPuhson

Should be playing D&D instead
OK judgment time! Late entries can still be submitted, btw - this is just the individual reviews.

Entry #1: Malrex - Forgotten Shrine of the Savior

I like what was done with the pool in Area 2; an obvious temptation for some easy loot (bed of coins) with an obvious obstacle (leeches). I also like that it remains as a hazard later in the dungeon when crossing the bridge above.

I like the secret door button in Area 3; albeit a bit obvious, it's whimsical and doesn't grant too much of an advantage anyway. Also in the room is a good decision point for the characters: do we pry out the easy gems if it means risking confusion? A nice time-sensitive problem, provided some foreshadowing of the consequence is made.

I like the benefit the group gets from venerating the idol in Area 4 - negating the slipperiness and the gaze immunity is a nice non-financial gain, however there is no clue as to why the party should do this or what the effect is. Maybe something like a check to know that the idol represents "the sure-footed prince" or they find themselves unable to look directly at the idol or something. That sword seems awfully powerful for a magic item with nothing guarding it and no consequences for taking it.

I dig the devil head in Area 5; got a good old-school vibe to it. The art helps culture the vibe, which is also cool. You say it can be damaged by +3 weapons, but there's none in the dungeon. Would have been better instead to have the sword from Area 4 able to damage the head in Area 5, instead of doing the "prevents the gaze damage" boon.

I like the frictionless issue with the upper areas - good movement control problem with a couple ways to solve/bypass. The pit in Area 7 sounds like it could be a real thinker.

I like the bridge trap and encounter in Area 8 (sounds tough) but am not a fan of the random "blame" punishment, especially when there's nothing to telegraph that it's coming; I get that it relates to the candle in Area 6, but the character who lights it already gets the benefit of not being affected by the non-friction, so I don't see much purpose to it.

Area 10 should have some sort of reward for beating the elemental; as is, it seems anticlimactic and doesn't pay off for the party. Something like "the Earth God's "heart" is a fist-sized ruby, visible through the cracks in its torso", and then it attacks when they try to take it. Bonus points for the art though :)

Area 11 could have used some custom magic items instead of book ones, but that's not really a mortal design sin to me.

Would be cool if there was something to do with the arm in Area 13, but I guess not everything needs to do something. I love Sophia's Feline; the powers are great and not overpowered while still being useful. Nice item. Maybe the elemental arm could be clenching it, and only opens its fingers if the elemental dies?

The journal in Area 15 could be more useful, perhaps a clue as to how to properly prostrate themselves in front of the four-armed statue in Area 4? There's a lot of room for elements in this dungeon to play off one another that have been unfortunately not capitalized upon.

I don't understand the low oxygen hazardous nature of the cavernous areas - they're not exactly "air-tightened". Natural gas would have been a more sensible/believable substitute.

I like the mole-men (and the art for them), but It's unfortunate that there's really not any kind of threat in the tunnels if you befriend them (which will be the most likely outcome). Maybe if there was a conflict between Flimigar and the mole-men, where one side wants you to kill the other, it would be better. Or if you could only earn the mole-men trust by killing a rampaging giant earthworm or something. As it stands now, they're largely inconsequential and take up valuable dungeon real estate.

More could be done with Flimigar - he could again be leveraged better to interact between different elements of the dungeons by giving hints or creating conflicts. Like the mole-men, he's inconsequential right now, which is too bad because he's the only NPC in the place that the party can actually talk to.

The Crystal in Area 19 is weird and well done, and provides a good explanation for the worm activities (although the worm activities, like the mole-men and dwarf, are again sadly lacking). Since the crystal is also a form of treasure, it would have been better if perhaps the earthworms on the floor weren't harmless... in fact, I'd ditch the low oxygen hazard and make the worms your primary obstacle throughout the area - much more thematic.

Final verdict: Good OSR-vibe encounters in a lot of places. The place was well-thought out but lacking in execution and potential in some areas. There was a visible theme throughout, though it would be better if they were to cross-pollinate somehow (ie. the earthworms are being attracted by the four-armed idol instead of the crystal, or the mole-men are all on a twisted mission to free the demon head, etc.). Some of the magic items could have been made a bit better, but others are very creative. The hooks are a touch generic, and the random encounters aren't the greatest. The art attempt is admirable. The format is clean and concise.

Final Score: 6.5 out of 10
 
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DangerousPuhson

Should be playing D&D instead
Entry #2: Grutzi - The Cistern of the Three-Eyed Dwarves

To start: I applaud the inclusion of a wilderness portion and lore/background section, however in the spirit of fairness for the competition, I will only be judging the dungeon portion of the adventure (from page 7 onward). You get kudos for going the extra mile, and it certainly makes for a more robust adventure, but your final score will be based on the strength of your dungeon design.

Excellent use of icons for ease-of-use purposes, as well as the inclusion of an "outside" component of the dungeon and multiple entrances. The dungeon is well-delineated into separate and recognizable areas. The electric ward on the outer doors is nicely thematic to your hook.

I like what you've done with Area 2, making the pool into a hazard. Also mistaking the dead dwarf for a monster is a nice psyche-out. Again, I like that the pool can still serve as a hazard later on when the group crosses the catwalk (if they can get knocked over? The description is not clear about guardrails). You've also included potential activity from above, which is nice.

Turning Area 3 into a puzzle is great, and you did it really well. Not too tough, but not too easy. The boon probably didn't need to be randomized though; makes it harder for the DM to keep track of stuff (he's going to have a lot to track already while running this). Same with which statues have treasure - it doesn't really benefit from being randomized (which is usually something included only for replayability purposes).

Not sure why the inscription in Area 4 was made into a handout (other than simply because "handouts are great"). The boon seems a little muddled. I dig the monster here though - fits the theme well.

Area 5 is ripe for a cultist (or PC) to get thrown off the catwalk into some lava. A refresher of the lava's damage would be appropriate here as a sidebar. It's also nice that since you have reinforcements coming from Area 6, that you've included it on the same page.

I like the fact that your treasures in Areas 6,7 & 9 are parts of the machinery, as is the encounter in Area 8 and traps in Areas 8 & 9 - they are what I'd call "organic to the dungeon". The magnetic heartbeat is morbidly cool. The catwalk would be cooler if there were so many wires and pipes that you risk tripping and falling down into Area 2 while crossing it or fighting on it.

Area 10 seems overly complex - I get that there's different situations and so different outcomes, but 2 pages seems like a lot. The theme is good, and Barus is OK, but there's a ton to keep track of and roll for. You should just dictate the outcomes and effects; rolling doesn't add much. Also, holy shit that treasure - possibly 30,000gp to walk away with, and that's in the scenario where they don't fight the BBEG!

The coin tray in Area 11 is not mentioned in the room contents, but inflicts a curse if ignored - not ideal. A reference to where Stigil's details can be found would be nice.

In Area 12 & 13 it seems odd that treasure is just lying around, unpilfered. It makes sense in Area 14 because the door is locked, but not in these two cases. I like the weird cult suicide pact in Area 14 and the belt buckle treasure.

The Rustrot swamp in Area 16 is nice and creepy, and the mechanics of everything is well done. The illusion in Area 18 is well done too, as are the creature's subsequent actions. Some art to show the thing, no matter the crudeness, would have gone far here though.

Good little ambush in Area 19, and I like the way that you've made it so the party can't just walk from Area 1 to the BBEG through the caves without going through some serious shit.

NPC section is good, as are the monsters (notably no book monsters, which is a bold choice). Random encounters are robust and thematic.

Final Verdict: The theme of the dungeon was very well presented and enjoyable - got a distinct vibe from the place. The build up to the BBEG could use some better foreshadowing. Multiple entrances and two distinct factions in the dungeon makes for good flexible play. Magic items were nothing to get excited over - there are lots of player boons though (maybe too many?). Enemies are well-crafted and everything seems organic. layout leaves something to be desired; I have no problem with single column formats, but not when each room still takes up a whole page. The rooms themselves were very clear thanks to the icons. Can't award points for the wilderness stuff and lore, but I appreciate the effort - background is a bit long though ('failed novelist syndrome" as Bryce would put it).

Final Score: 8.5 out of 10
(9.0 if I were to include wilderness)
 
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