Two orcs
Officially better than you, according to PoN
Bryce harps on specific, inspiring and terse descriptions in adventures. Clarity is also important, especially when it comes to puzzles and tactical situations. Let's have a practice thread! Write a passage you plan to include or would like to see in an adventure, it can be a room, an object, a situational overview - keep it brief. Spatial relations don't need to be included if a map is implied (such as in a dungeon).
Give feedback to at least one previous passage when posting. Iterating is encouraged, but don't edit your first attempt. Don't hold back!
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Caustic cave
Hissing bursts of green corrosive steam shoot from hidden vents. The limestone walls fizzle and run creating milky puddles which ruin the soles of boots, and then feet.
Caustic cave (v2)
Sharp sour air stings eyes, nostrils and lungs. Hissing bursts of green corrosive steam shoot from hidden vents. The limestone walls fizzle and run creating milky puddles which ruin the soles of boots, and then feet.
Give feedback to at least one previous passage when posting. Iterating is encouraged, but don't edit your first attempt. Don't hold back!
-----------------------------------
Caustic cave
Hissing bursts of green corrosive steam shoot from hidden vents. The limestone walls fizzle and run creating milky puddles which ruin the soles of boots, and then feet.
Caustic cave (v2)
Sharp sour air stings eyes, nostrils and lungs. Hissing bursts of green corrosive steam shoot from hidden vents. The limestone walls fizzle and run creating milky puddles which ruin the soles of boots, and then feet.
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