OK! I haven't been able to read it all yet, but here are some general thoughts/nitpicks:
1. There is something going on in the beginning and I can't place it on what it is...this may be due to 2 hours sleep on a red eye flight. It might be an order thing, like maybe: 1. Notes for conversion, 2. Presentation, 3. then Setting the Scene, 4. The True Situation.....5. THEN the different Hooks..? 6. Then Rumors/table..
Also--Asking the Gods, THEN Adapting the Scenario, then Season and Light in the Nightless North
I'd just take another look at the order of things and make it more smooth--seems to jump around a little.
2. The True Situation part--I feel like it needs a sentence or 2 of what is the point of the adventure for the characters--what are they trying to do? You have some different options with the hooks which is great, but I think it needs some sort of guidance for the DM on what is the main hook or the main purpose for the adventure. I think thats the part I got lost on as it wasn't 100% clear to me. Are they trying to free Loki? They trying to slay a dragon? Are they just trying to explore...? Another sentence or 2 explaining that part would of grounded me better.
3. The little quotes you have for the people in locations is fantastic.
4. Flight and LEvitation part---this is great, but I wonder if it could use another sentence or 2 of what is seen up there. Like you got tracing the waterways for mapping, but maybe they could potentially see the petrified giant, or the battle field of corpses...basically what would the DM tell a player what they could see with that birds eye view that may entice them to explore?
5. More White Space needed and I think it would be better with a bit more separation.... will use an example
#31 Mud Workshop
Four pools of smooth mud, black, green, red, and brown. The central pit contains a mix of each. Stirring the mix vigorously (with Move Earth or a giant ladle and Giant Strength) summons a friendly earth elemental (HD: 16, AC: 7, Move: 60'(20'), Slam (4d8), immune to weapons of less than +2 enchantment or monsters of less than 9HD, Morale: +4) that climbs out of the pit and follows you for the rest of the day. Each turn searching through a mud pool has a 5% chance to yield the treasure from it.
Treasure: Black sapphire (1,000gp) in black pool, emerald (1,000gp) in green pool, garnet (250gp) in red pool, and tiger eye (25gp) in brown pool.
Change too...
#31 Mud Workshop
Four pools of smooth mud, black, green, red, and brown. The central pit contains a mix of each.
Stirring the mix vigorously (with Move Earth or a giant ladle and Giant Strength) summons a friendly earth elemental (HD: 16, AC: 7, Move: 60'(20'), Slam (4d8), immune to weapons of less than +2 enchantment or monsters of less than 9HD, Morale: +4) that climbs out of the pit and follows you for the rest of the day. Each turn searching through a mud pool has a 5% chance to yield the treasure from it.
Treasure: Black sapphire (1,000gp) in black pool, emerald (1,000gp) in green pool, garnet (250gp) in red pool, and tiger eye (25gp) in brown pool.
For every room...I feel like you describe the room, THEN immediately give more DM information--I think you should break it up and make a new paragraph so its easier to scan.
#32 Narrow entrance
A sharp fissure leads into a downwards sloping cave ending in a puddle that could be mistaken for a flooded cave. There is a 2 in 6 chance a birchbark canoe is stowed here. A crack in the diagonally sloping ceiling 20' off the floor is barely wide enough to allow a halfling through. An explosive spell or 2 man-hours of work with mining tools (roll twice as many random encounters) widens it to allow a man to pass through.
Change into....
#32 Narrow entrance
A sharp fissure leads into a downwards sloping cave ending in a puddle that could be mistaken for a flooded cave.
There is a 2 in 6 chance a birchbark canoe is stowed here. A crack in the diagonally sloping ceiling 20' off the floor is barely wide enough to allow a halfling through. An explosive spell or 2 man-hours of work with mining tools (roll twice as many random encounters) widens it to allow a man to pass through.
I would do that for all your descriptions. The white space will make it easier to scan and separates the description from the DM info easier.
6. I really like the Loremastery stuff. I know some may consider that fluff, but I feel like it really adds to the adventure (if a character has that proficiency or a bard is along or whatever). The way you have presented it--its actual useful info and can give characters an edge instead of just being fluff.
7. My gut says the adventure should be for levels 7-9 instead of just 7....you got alot of monsters in some sections. Maybe even higher. Example:
#41 Gryph Colony
As you bend to enter the 20' wide but 2' low entrance the cruel cacophony falls silent. 30 gryphs (HD: 2, AC: 3, Fly: 210'(70'), Beak (1d12), Morale: -1 (+1 inside colony)), 10 greater (six legged) gryphs (HD: 3, AC: 3, Fly: 210'(70'), Beak (1d12), Morale: -1 (+1 inside colony)), and 1 gryph matriarch (eight legged) (HD: 4, AC: 3, Fly: 210'(70'), Beak (1d12), Morale: -1 (+1 inside colony)) turn their beady black eyes on you. The ceiling is 50' high and the floor is slippery with reeking bird excrement (Save vs Paralysis in melee or running or fall prone). Rough alcoves hide birds all the way to the ceiling.
Any movement after the silence cause the matriarch to shriek and every bird to attack. The gryphs are as fast on their feet as on the wing. 10 of the lesser gryphs are fertile females who inject eggs instead of dealing damage (see swamp encounter 28-33). 100 gryph babies (non-combatants, trainability modifier: +1, 900gp alive each, evil disposition and very likely to infest region they are brought, ownership is crime as serious as Treason) stay hidden in the alcoves. Random gryph encounters are reduced proportionally to the number of adult gryphs slain in the colony.
1. First off--change your first sentence. Don't control the character in the description..."As you bend to enter..." Just describe the low entrance. You might be able to add a description of a smell in here too--which you do with the reeking bird excrement, but I feel that should be up near your first sentence as characters would probably smell that first.
2. You got 41 monsters in this room that have the potential to all attack. A well placed fireball could make this easier, but if not...that's alot of battle and they got a low AC so may be hard to hit. I'm not saying there is too many monsters...but just saying the level range may be for levels 7-9. Also...100 young that could fetch 900 gold each....actually, that may be ok as that would be a challenge to get all the birds back, but that could potentially be a lot of gold.
3. You had other previous areas, like 84 skeletons and whatnot...which a cleric can probably blast most of them away, but its still challenging...
mega.nz
