Gilded Dream of the Incandescent Queen Review

[Malrex]

Gilded Dream of the Incandescent Queen is by H.D.A aka TerribleSorcery for levels 4-6 using Basic/Expert systems.

So first off....look at that cover!


That cover is awesome!! The blurb is enticing and sparks interest.
I'm not really a expert reviewer or anything, but I jotted down some notes into Pro's and Suggestions. Here's my thoughts.

Pro’s
I liked the adventure hooks—"all the lead in the kingdom is being stolen". "Dragons made of rain clouds". These are pretty interesting and grab a player's interest. The number of different hooks and suggestions for different ways to get to the palace is wonderful.

The wandering encounters are all doing something. I like the random acts that each could be doing. I think I would of preferred it in a table, but that’s a nitpick.

Color spray from the marble courtesans as loot...That's awesome!

Loved the random items in Room #3—I think I would of preferred to have them in a random table as PCs search the room.

The inset maps and maps are great, but hard to read with no graph/scale (i.e. says 10’ per square, but I don’t see the squares).
There is good white space between sections and bolding. I also liked the room titles that are capitalized. This combination makes it easy to separate each room description.

There is interested treasure-- ‘jade ring with a triangular seal (400 gp).' 'Gold-chased pearl handled dagger'. It makes the treasure a little more interesting.

Secret Room #26. I liked this secret room because it rewards mappers who are paying attention and gives a reason for searching for a secret door.

There are areas where the GM can expand the adventure with their own ideas, for example the teleporter or the map in the reading room (Area #28).
There are interesting book names and again....players are rewarded for leafing through them as one can discover prayers for the bloody cross. This little tidbit is a great feature for players who can discover the bloody cross...and then have an opportunity to learn more about it or vice versa.

The golden stairway to the sun....the effects are pretty cool, as well as the Balance. I feel a bunch of adventures have really interesting things they mention, but then there is some reason why players can't find it or why they can't use it. This adventure doesn't do that...it has the real deal. Dare to try it?

Zarmuun Eater of Hearts...hell yeah! Neat monster name. One of my favorites in the adventure is the Mercurial Knight. Upon reading it, I could immediately picture my players fighting it. I do think it might be a little hard for a party of Level 4-6, but it's a really cool idea and I dig it.

There are several new magic items...I really liked the bleeding cross.

I really liked that there was a wide spread difference of alignment in the adventure--not everything is evil. Tons of NPCs to talk to and roleplay with.
The more I think about it, the more I liked that some rooms had the sizes, i.e. 200'x400'. Mostly on the bigger rooms. I know you can pick that up from the map usually, but I do find it handy to have it right there. For me I see it as a tool in that it immediately gives me a mental picture of the room of how big it is and can help me wing it a bit on describing it.
Finally, I really liked the art!!

Suggestions

I happen to be one of those people that likes to see the scale on the maps. Can totally wing it, but I would of preferred to see those darn little boxes.
'A' seemed out of order in the write-up (1, A, 2)...I think I would of started with A instead of in the middle of the numbers.

Use of ‘will’ a lot. This is just my own pet peeve and I blame Guy Fullerton for how it bugs me when I see it now. Language can be tighter and more active if you get rid of ‘will’ (and can remove it 99% of the time).

#4 is hard to see on map.

Ernas—should of posted the page number or See Factions or something to help the GM remember the info to help play Ernas when the PCs come across him. This stood out for me because I read half the adventure and when I came back later to finish it and ran into Ernas I forgot about the Factions section....so maybe more cross referencing.

Would of preferred 2 columns in layout.

There are some areas where I think the order is off, here is an example:


With this room, the first sentence is ok. The second sentence--Pro. from evil, etc. should be lower down or at the end. This is something that can be discovered if PCs take a closer look later on. But I think one of the first things PCs are going to notice is the worthless remains attempting to push each other in the circle. And there is another missed opportunity there as instead of saying 8 worthless remains, their appearance could of been described instead because PCs may not have labeled these things as worthless remains...does that makes sense? BUT...I love what's happening in this room and there are several other instances in the other rooms of some sort of activity going on which is great.

The only other thing I can think of is I would of liked to see this a little bigger. There are some scenes for some of the rooms--ocean, fire, jungle, etc. I think it would of been cool to maybe have a few rooms with this theme or make them bigger and give them some more interest. For example, maybe there is a 3-4 room cave or entrance into a giant pitcher plant or a huge jungle tree to climb to a tree house....or maybe there is a small island in the ocean or a coral reef maze. The jungle room especially...the idea was cool, but it felt like there was a missed opportunity there. I think it would of enhanced the fun house vibe. I also realize this adventure had a deadline to be completed.

Final Verdict
Overall, I could totally see myself grabbing this adventure and using it. Definitely better than some adventures I have purchased.
8/10

 

[Grützi]

Nice Review.
Is it ok if I post my own review down here or should every judge create their own thread?

I'll need another day or two anyways, so no rush here

 

[Malrex]

One spot could work I think...up to you!

 

[TerribleSorcery]

Damn man! Thank you so much for the kind words. You have a lot of good points here. Thanks for taking the time to read the adventure and offer these suggestions.
-The use of 'will' - I only noticed this after you pointed it out, and I sure did it a lot without even noticing!
-I had hoped that adding colour to the map would help with Room 4, but I did write the text really small - could have fixed this in post-production if I'd thought of it.
-As for 2-column layout, it was a function of time. I just couldn't make it look good in the time I'd given myself, so I skipped it and got along with things. Another item added to the "just wait 'til next year" column!

I happen to be one of those people that likes to see the scale on the maps. Can totally wing it, but I would of preferred to see those darn little boxes.
'A' seemed out of order in the write-up (1, A, 2)...I think I would of started with A instead of in the middle of the numbers.

I was going by the visual look of my scans at this point, not really thinking about usability (Brycean crime!!). I thought that just having a box for scale would be good enough, but I do see your point. I'll have to work out a way of doing clearer map presentation next time.

As for the 'A', I intended that to mean 'Room 1A'. It didn't seem worth it to give the stairs an entire "room number" to themselves, just to say "stairs go up to room 20." Maybe this was dumb and I should have just had the stairs be 'room 2' and go from there.

One of my favorites in the adventure is the Mercurial Knight... I do think it might be a little hard for a party of Level 4-6...

Thanks. I will admit, I am not the best at estimating character level-appropriate challenges. I wanted a hard-ass dungeon and I think I at least did that right. The small saving grace here is that the knight begins locked up, and is by no means a guaranteed fight. IMHO that can justify quite a lot in terms of difficulty.

Ernas—should of posted the page number or See Factions or something to help the GM remember... so maybe more cross referencing.

Good point. I wanted to avoid cluttering up the room description with too much stuff, but it's a bit pointless to put the whole NPC description somewhere else when there is only one place you can encounter him. Maybe next time I'll just have a short blurb in the NPCs section, and the full details in the room entry. Also, I could not figure out how to add links in my PDF, so that's something to work on for next time.

The only other thing I can think of is I would of liked to see this a little bigger... it felt like there was a missed opportunity there. I think it would of enhanced the fun house vibe. I also realize this adventure had a deadline to be completed.

I agree, and your suggestions are good. Each of the small 'themed' areas could easily have been expanded, but I tried to strip them down to the absolute core essence of an idea for ease of reading (and so I could get the thing done in time). My notebook is filled with other ideas that I couldn't fit!

I think the whole area should have been twice the size, with 1 or 2 more floors, more teleporters, slides, other ways of travelling around the dungeon so the PCs can really get lost. Honestly, once I had started drawing the maps it was hard to cram in everything I wanted, but I had come so far that I didn't want to start over (the maps took a long time to do). For my home game I redraw maps a lot to accommodate new ideas, but then of course I only do them in pencil. Also, I work really slowly.

 

[Malrex]

I want to sorta take that comment back about the Mercurial Knight. It's old school...so its ok if there is something hard in there that you might have to run from. I could just about guarantee though with my group it would be a TPK...lol.

 

[Grützi]

So off we go towards the second of my four reviews of our magnificent contest entries.

The Gilded Dream of the Incandescent Queen
By TerribleSorcery

General Structure
The whole adventure is very well structured. After a Table of content we get an overview of the background, tips on how to begin the adventure, all the rules and information (like NPCs, Factions,…) necessary to run the thing and then the location itself divided into the different floors. At the end we get an overview of the new magic and special items.
The maps are right inbetween the pages of the adventure, which I normally don’t like. In this case however they are always right at the beginning of the relevant section (first floor, basement,…) which makes them easy to find.

Layout
The Layout is simple, yet effective.
The whole adventure is in single column format, which might garner some criticism in these here parts. Still very good use of spacing and paragraphs makes the whole thing easily readable. I never once felt tired reading and my eyes only glazed over one specific thing in the adventure… but more on that down below.

Usability
There is good use of bolding and italics to draw attention to important stuff in the rooms. While the minimal Layout works well it also has its pitfalls when it comes to “ease of use” at the table” (chant with me children: “Ease of use, ease of use,…”). All Monsters/NPCs in rooms are always indicated by bolding, yet their statblocks are barely formatted… some use of bolding or italics in there could’ve helped.
Putting tables inside the text without any formatting makes it really hard to quickly get an overview here. This is the one point were my eyes just regularly wandered off. I know it costs space and such, but please put in proper tables …
There is a factions overview, the random encounters upfront (andeach gets a nice “What do they do”-Table), all special items are in the back… a DM can simply print out these pages and pin them to his DM screen or something … very good.
Three different approaches are given for how to integrate the Adventure into a campaign, each with hooks, ideas and hints… nice.
TerribleSorcery left some spots in the sanctum where a DM could enter his own history or world into it, which is a nice touch, making it even easier to integrate into an ongoing campaign.

Maps
All maps are in a charming hand-drawn style which I simply love. Nice digital maps are a treat but there is something inherently charming and likeable in a well done hand-drawn map.
Rare but good use of colors to indicate special stuff. Being basically a three sided double pyramid the whole place has a rather strange room layout which I see as a great plus.
Add to that the fact that some rooms warp space and have special rules the whole thing is highly interesting for a party.
The warped rooms (Jungle, Ocean,…) each get a special map showing how they look from the inside, while the general maps show how they relate to the greater sanctum… very good.
One little point into the negative is the lack of a proper grid. While there is a scale indicated on each map, a lack of a proper grid coupled with the rather strange layout of some rooms could give some DMs trouble. I have to admit though, the map looks better without a grid and the above is really just a small gripe… nothing big

General Plot
So the arrogant witch queen that terrorized the world in ages past thought it’d be a good idea to build a stairway to the heavens to snatch herself some immortality. Sounds like nothing could go wrong ain’t it?
Well now she’s an undead corpse thingy confined to her throne room by her own fear of her erstwhile servants. Life’s a bitch… Unlife even more so.
Her Sanctum meanwhile floats over the world with her servants keeping everything shiny, awaiting her return. Some Demon dude in the basement toils away transmuting base metals into gold and silver … and don’t ask about the giant snake in the black pit… just don’t.
Sounds crazy? It is … it is also very good.

Creativity
The general situation is slightly crazy and strange which is a very good thing.
There is lots of stuff to do and to discover in the sanctum.
You’ve got strange Items, even stranger and unique monster and NPCs, the whole place has an implied history surrounding it. One could put this thing into nearly any campaign, it is that easy to fit. Even the evil empire of the witch queen lies somewhere in the past whenever a DM needs it.
One slight minus in my book is the fact, that some of the rooms, especially the space-warped ones, weren’t used to their full potential. The Jungle room just kinda sits there (like the shambling mound inside of it), the ocean room has a nice table for what might lurk there and a portal to the elemental plane of water…but not much else. Space Warps offer a chance to do some real crazy stuff and it feels like this was kind of missed here.

Language
The used language is very good, nothing amiss from my point of view. (You people remember: I’m german … our änglisch iz wery funnay )

NPCs
The NPCs in this thing are al unique and strange.
The Marble Courtesans and Cloud butlers are wonderful, going about their daily routines, not understanding what happened to their queen so long ago.
Bolt-Kin are cool and a nice touch of random chaos in this place.
The gilded Ones are a special treat, as they are a chance for a DM to really play some silly NPCs that are nonetheless very deadly. I always love to chance to play something really alien and I definetly got that vibe from Mr. Halls and Mr. Waits.
I dig Ernas and would roleplay the hell out of him to annoy my players … so well done? Yeah!

 

[Grützi]

Monsters
The distinction between Monster and NPC can often be a blurry one and seldom more so than in this adventure.
While there are some beings that could clearly be classified as Monsters in a “it is there to be fought”-sense … you can interact, talk and bargain with damn near anything in this adventure. Except for the Sunlight moths which fuck you up over time and look splendid doing so. And that damn knight in one of the cells … which will also fuck you up and look splendid while doing so. And the damn snake in the pit which will fuck you up … and wait for it … look splendid while doing so (but only if you fail the scale test).
All in all the NPCs and Monsters are all really well done, strangely unique and give the place a cool “lived in yet mad” atmosphere.
My one tiny complaint here would be about Xur-Gonath … who is awesome except that I wouldn’t have made him a Glabrezu but something unique… after all everything else is
Then again the good demon is used in an interesting fashion and has his own goals so he shines in his own way and is remarkable enough to not just be another Glabrezu to kill for XP … ah wait … were not playing Pathfinder … well onward…
But wait again … what about the queen?
Oddly enough not much. She is a nice Monster to fight, gets some little info in the factions section on her goals and how to play her … but she is strangely absent from most of the adventure and really plays no larger role here… which I find oddly fitting for one that fell from grace in the eyes of the sun.

Items/Treasure
The bleeding cross is awesome.
All in all a good mix of coin and “normal” treasure, generic +1 stuff and truly unique stuff.
I loved the fact, that attention was brought to “treasure” the group could take with them (and get a pretty coin for it) but that would be difficult to move… like the bathtubs and stuff.
The Items of the Gilded Ones are thematically nice and a good mix of cool + drawback.
The bleeding cross offers a chance to insert campaign specific lore into the game, Abyssal cigars are such a nice little idea that I simply love them and the primordial Egg is a cool chance to get an interesting animal companion … which will annoy any DM to no end and probably generate half a dozen sessions worth of plot before the damn thing even hatches (“DM, my eggs needs warmth! I’m gonna go search for a mage with some spells!”, “ DM, my egg needs o be protected! I want to hire a some mercenaries!”, “DM, My egg …” You know the drill … damn players and their pets).
All unique and new items are explained in a specific section at the end of the adventure. Everything in one place to quickly look up … well done.

Mechanics/Systems
B/X is used as the base system. Whenever some little mechanic or a roll is needed the adventure gives all necessary instructions. There are good rules for hat happens outside of the sanctum (lightning, sound, spellcasting,…).
In this section lies my biggest gripe with the adventure … the stairs, or rather the mechanic behind them.
While the test of the stairs is well done from a mechanical point of view I still didn’t quite like it.
When a PC takes the test of the stairs, the DM basically checks for some factors, provided in a helpful list and adds together their “weight” to get a value between -9 and +16. This value then determines what happens. The factors that give you +-points are stuff like lawful alignment, honorable behavior, gifting money to the poor, not stealing stuff, fighting honorably … the lawful side of things basically. Chaotic or “classic” evil stuff nets you –points.
While it is not mentioned in the text specifically, the list is good enough to give any DM an idea what other factors could be counted.
A character gets a save before the test begins, to notice what is going on, then it’s on.
The possible results of the test are well done and suit the test.
So what’s my gripe then? Player interaction … except for a save at the beginning and maybe a save depending on the result of the tally … a player has nothing to do with the test of the stairs (ok maybe he has to answer some questions for the DM).
I would’ve loved for a player and his character to have a chance to influence the test right then and there. Make the tally of points and then time freezes as a strange being like the Gilded ones descends the stairs and offers the character one chance to show his worth.
Seems like a wasted chance not to give players some interaction here when the whole place up till now was full of it.
The test of the scales then works basically as the stairs. This test however works better in the Adventure because players can flee from it, get a possible interaction with the fucking big snake in the pit, the results are more varied and cooler … and the placement of the scales means that Xur-Gorath can also interact with the players … and he has an interest In them opening the doors for him.

Artwork
Artwork in general is sparse in this Adventure owing to the minimalistic layout and the self-made look. Still what is there manages to impress.
The Cover is nicely done and a cool throwback to some of the “ancient” modules of the honored past.
The few artworks by “medieval artists” are good looking.
The real price here is the magnificent artwork on page 4. A full outside view of the sanctum in flight. Not only is this piece really well done, it manages to instantly convey a feeling and a rough understanding of the place. The maps and words alone might fall short in this respect, but with this picture any DM simply knows what the place looks and feels like.

Theme/Title
The Gilded Dream of the Incandescent Queen
The incandescent witch-queen had a dream to ascend to the heavens and shed her mortality. Now she is a burned out husk, her golden sanctum her gilded cage… so the dream turned into a nightmare.
Ok enough with cheap poetic descriptions … The theme is well integrated as a baseline for the whole adventure. I could readily see how the theme/title and some brainstorming lead to this wonderful adventure … so well done

General Impressions
This adventure does nearly everything right in my book. A few slight misses here and there, some little things, but all barely more than small mistakes … and all are rather easily corrected or changed.
The whole place feels alive and strange, full of interaction and cool encounters. Dangers gross and subtle, stuff to play around with and get oneself killed … everything a damn good adventure needs

9 from 10

 

[TerribleSorcery]

Wow!!! Thanks for this very kind & in-depth review man.

You pointed out several things I hadn't even thought of. I see your point about the stairs. It's a more binary, "pass or fail" system than the test of the scales, and there is less interactivity to be had, you can't run away, etc. When I was writing it, I thought of it more as a screw-job trap, honestly. Working based on alignment & other 'moral' concerns is tough, and I don't think it will work in every DM's campaign world because everyone handles these things individually - but also because the results are based on things the character did a long time ago, instead of actions he is taking *right now* during the session. Definitely something to think about for next time.

Putting tables inside the text without any formatting makes it really hard to quickly get an overview here. This is the one point were my eyes just regularly wandered off. I know it costs space and such, but please put in proper tables …

I am not sure which part you mean. Was this the random encounter "activities" section?

 

[squeen]

Here's my $0.02 --- hope it helps. More power to ya' TS for getting this done and offering it up to the next Footprints issue too.

A bit rushed so I'm gonna hit you with bullets. Also, after I push "Post" am I going to read what was written above, so it may be a repeat.

The Good:

• I like the cover. It sets a nice mood.
• The back story is short & sweet. Also totally plausible. Has a nice fairy-tale vibe.
• I like the informal tone. It's clear you are trying to help the DM. I also like the reference to how it was used in your campaign. I think that helps a lot to put things in context, and comes across as a suggestion---not am order. Nice.
• The hooks/settings are original without being onerous.
• I like the picture, though originally I though the bottom was a reflection of the top. It's cool. The clouds are very well rendered. I think the tetrahedron perspective is just a tad off --- if you were to redo do it for the journal, I could render a 3D model for you to use as a drawing reference. You might also watch that "shading" video. It's short, by it helps a lot if you separate your light-value from shadow-values the way they suggest. Also, remember the brightest things go to white, not yellow. I digress...
• Very nice original wandering monsters (with motives/activities!). I can't get over "Scrupulously pleasant." It is AWESOME that most encounters are potentially non-combative. My players would love that.
• The Factions summary is great. Totally could work with that. Maybe add one of thos silly bubble diagrams interaction just to have something to catch the eye.
• The MAP precedes they key! +++ You wonderful, wonderful man! It's also got Melan's "accelerators" too. Light & dark annotated. Outstanding.
• First paragraph does it's job. Adheres to Brycian Principals: Show don't tell, terse, evocative. Great job.
• Interesting items! I would love to have my players to go here and poke around!
• I like Zarmuun, Eater of Hearts. That's a gonzo-level threat that can easily be avoided---but it brings the creepy.

The Bad:

• Formatting lacks a bit of polish.
  • could use bolded words inside first paragraph to connect to bolded elements below
  • stat blocks do not stand apart
  • too much white space (e.g. margins)
  • Falls into the over-bullet-ing trap to my eyes (e.g. in room 3, why are they there?) Formating the key header differently would help set it a part and break up the flow enough without indenting everything with bullets.
• More (clearer) inset maps would help. Show some more surrounding context.
• GP=XP a bit light?

The Ugly

• single-column is, by definition, painfully awful
• have more patience in shading your maps
• walls are not paper-thin

All in all, this is a wonderful gem. I love it. It deserves to be polished. Fix the formatting and I think it's on-par with Tower of the Stargazer.
I think it might need some more play-testing to see if all the moving parts actually mesh. I am also worried that there might not be any sort of progression-of-threat, something the party could attempt in smaller chunks over multiple visits, and that makes deeper penetration successively harder. I think it could also suffer from lack of an actively aggressive low-level competitor/faction. Something equivalent a rival NPC party that becomes aware of the party and dynamically tries to thwart them.

Well done. I mean really. To my eye, you have assimilated all of Bryce's lessons and pulled off a very interesting (extra-planar!) adventure. Congratulations on a fine piece of work. To me, THIS is D&D. (FIX THE FORMATTING!)

 

[squeen]

I want to sorta take that comment back about the Mercurial Knight. It's old school...so its ok if there is something hard in there that you might have to run from. I could just about guarantee though with my group it would be a TPK...lol.

Totally agree. They let him out of his cell. It awesome when player's have polluted a dungeon to make it unplayable.

Also, I agree with @Grützi : The Queen should potentially play a somewhat larger role. Maybe even with remote magics.

 

[TerribleSorcery]

Fuckin hell man. Thanks for your kind words!! I'm glad you liked it so much.

I agree with many of your points.
The wandering monsters aren't all that original... Mostly just aesthetically repurposed by-the-book stuff. Although I guess that little bit extra can go a long way.
Progression of threat... it seems to me the dungeon is too small to really do that. My thought was that the entire dungeon would serve as a higher-level threat inside another (as in 'ways to enter the sanctum' number one - a magic gate inside a wizard's mansion). So a group can delve in there for extra challenge, then come out beaten & bloody... back to the other dungeon they were already in! Because it is small, they might go in and just pick at a room or two, but a surgical strike up to the stairs or down to the scales is feasible as well.
You are right about a lack of an enemy faction. I never thought about that. I think that is a function of my DMing style, which is to just drop the PCs down in the world and let them make enemies on their own. Although many of the monsters could serve that function if the DM wanted to go that way, I didn't provide for the possibility.
GP=XP... I did the math on that one. If they can drag away all the heavy shit, everyone will ding guaranteed. Maybe it's too tough to take all the heavy loot at that level?
I agree that it needs the magic of playtesting. I think before I run this with my group at home, I will change & add a few things based on everyone's suggestions here (definitely will spend a bit of time expanding on the extra-dimensional rooms). I have it placed in my game world, but my players are a bit too low level for it now (1st-3rd), and the wizard's mansion is itself huge and not nearly done (6 pages of graph paper at 5 squares/inch)!!
EDIT - And you're right about the Queen. She just sits there, which is justified in terms of the backstory but not the best option for a bad-ass boss monster. In the end, I didn't have time to add that level of detail.


Oh yeah! And next time, I'm shading my maps COMPLETELY ON THE COMPUTER. Augh

 

[squeen]

You are most welcome. Love these little pocket-dimension adventures.

I have one home in an out-of-the-way village with a retired thief/adventurer in it. He's given himself over to drink, but I still ownes quite a few treasures---one being the painting/entrance to the Maze of the Blue Medusa. I'm thinking now of switching it with this adventure. Seriously.

MotBM was probably too awkwardly "mature" for my players anyway.

 

[TerribleSorcery]

If you do, I want a play report on my desk!!

Hilarious coincidence:
The "wizard's mansion" that I mentioned where the gate to the sanctum lies in my game - is in fact my total conversion of MotBM. I think I mentioned it in another thread somewhere. I took out the annoying, uber-powerful, immortal babes and probably 2/3rds of the rooms, kept the stuff I liked and am building a new dungeon around it, with a 'backstory' that actually makes more sense. In the end it will probably be 80% my own material, probably would be less work to just throw the book out the window, but it did provide an imaginative framework in a way.

 

[squeen]

That's some kind of bizarre recursion. A glitch in the Matrix?

 

[DangerousPuhson]

Gilded Dream of the Incandescent Queen - Review

I have mixed feelings about the cover, but as the negative largely balances out with the positive, I'd have to default to a generic "meh"... It's fine, albeit crude. It will appeal to some and be unappealing to others. It doesn't "wow" , but it does "pop" (if you can translate my exclamations).

The backdrop (an immortality ascension gone-wrong) is likewise neither especially good nor especially bad. It's a touch trite; I myself have run a near-identical premise for a dungeon/campaign on no less than three occasions. That being said, the lore is there - it's chunky and a little disjointed, but it's definitely there. It shows that you've put a lot of thought into the history of the place.

The whole thing could stand a bit of section re-ordering, with some knowledge (such as a description of what the Sanctum looks like) presented beyond where it would naturally be called for by the DM. Also, a one-column format doesn't suit modules - avoid.

The hooks are a touch weak, being more suggestions for accessing the place rather than reasons for seeking it out in the first place. And the few times you do make some sort of imperative, it's not made clear how the DM is intended to inspire the PCs to act. (i.e. "They have been turned into undead monsters, and the PCs must venture into the sanctum to find out how and why."). However, what's there is quite extensive - the portal painting, the hovering form, being tucked away in a dangerous plane - while not the first time they've been done, the way you've described them is pretty evocative, and thereby helps to fill in the hook gaps a bit.

The atmosphere you've cultured inside the Sanctum is great. I can picture the absolute decadence of the place from just the general default trappings of the rooms and hallways. The encounters tie into it perfectly, with each one being a clearly deliberate pick to suit the theme of the dungeon. Well done. The random encounters are nice, and very well-described.

The Factions feel like an afterthought, and they are lacking critical information for the DM to run with them (what they want, how they can help, where they operate, etc.). There's reference to a Mercurial Knight but no sign of any of his information on the NPC page, nor a page/area reference to find him; there are a couple little cross-referencing gripes like this scattered throughout the module. The individual NPCs are nicely fleshed-out though.

The map, while admittedly not pretty, is nonetheless functional, which is the most important trait for a map to have. It does have room to be MORE functional (e.g. convey more information), but for what it is, it performs admirably. It lacks a grid to match the scale though... tsk tsk... I guess Room 8 is probably 15' wide?

The layout of the dungeon is well-Jaqcayed. You've ticked most of the boxes, surely. No qualms there.

The Balcony, the first point of entry, has a 10% chance to strike someone for up to 80 points of damage, for no reason, with no warning. I know there's something to be said for the old-school lethality, but that's not very cool. You don't need to force the players to seek refuge in the Sanctum - they're not exactly going to sit on the balcony for the entire adventure, and they find safe places inside that they'll retreat to for resting anyway (if your goal was to dissuade the 15-minute adventure day).

The rooms descriptions are terse, punchy, and evocative. There are a few spots where unnecessary background information is conveyed which otherwise clutters a smooth key, but for the most part the rooms are well done. Things are ordered nice and organically, in a user-friendly way. Cross-referencing is however lacking in some areas (magic items as treasure entries should reference where to find the information about the item, monster references should include a page reference if not adjacent to its statblock, etc.)

A couple cliches for sure - the "False Queen" tomb sticks out especially - but a lot of nice creative patches too. I especially like the age-stealing mirror and the emotion-stealing mask, both in the same place.

You seem to enjoy changing things about characters, sometimes arbitrarily, and especially alignment. Personally I'm not a fan of messing with alignment; it's like telling the player that their character now needs to "think" differently, whatever that entails. I get that you've tied a lot of stuff to alignment (like the scales and the stairs, and the sort of heavenly theme to things), but it seems like you've let things get a little out of hand. Like those gender-swapping magic items of yore, messing with alignment is a bit gauche.

Not a lot of variety, fight-wise. Excluding the unique encounters (admittedly good), I counted I believe 5 types of "common" enemies (worthless remains, marble courtesans, bolt-kin, sunlight moths, cloud butlers).

The Special Items are OK - not the best, not the worst. The fluff around them is good, but the mechanics are dull. The Primordial Egg is my favorite, but the hoops you need to jump through to use it are highly esoteric, and the danger isn't of it isn't conveyed to the players at all.

The Stairway is cool, very "heaven-y" vibe, but judgements of character morality translated into mechanical D&D rules is tricky, especially when those rules are not telegraphed to the players in any way before they test it. With the amount of alignment-changing stuff here, someone who was a saint their whole life would be judged as a sinner because they used the wrong magic item, or because they didn't find an item they didn't know they were supposed to find, etc.

The Corruption mechanic feels more complicated than it should be, like it might just bog things down more than it makes fun.

Theme is dripping from this thing, it's great. Every room fits the theme well, and though sometimes it gets a little heavy-handed, you automatically feel that the dungeon works together well as one big cohesive endeavor. Everything seems relevant to the historical purpose and current situation of the Sanctum. Very little feels out of place.

Score: 7 out of 10 - a few gaps and some rough patches, but otherwise distinct and thematic-as-hell.

 

[TerribleSorcery]

Thanks for delivering on this one man. I figured you would be the hardest to please, and you didn't disappoint.

The layout of the dungeon is well-Jaqcayed.
Theme is dripping from this thing... Very little feels out of place.
The random encounters are nice, and very well-described... The Factions feel like an afterthought.
I have mixed feelings about the cover... It doesn't "wow" , but it does "pop"

Thank you, I think I get what you mean about the cover!

I think your review points to the meat of things in my designs, in terms of what I am good and bad at. Theme, atmosphere, random encounters, a good map are where I usually focus. Meanwhile the enemies aren't even really 'factions' in the true sense, NPCs don't have as much personality, the art & maps are a weak point. I could have spent more time on those.

The Balcony, the first point of entry, has a 10% chance to strike someone for up to 80 points of damage, for no reason, with no warning. I know there's something to be said for the old-school lethality, but that's not very cool.

It's actually worse than that!!
If the group enters via the balcony then presumably they've flown up to the sanctum, which means they had to fly through the storm to get there, risking the lightning every round! I took this directly from the Manual of the Planes, p. 55. I debated on it for a while, but I decided to leave it in. My players have worked past everything else I've thrown their way, and I have no doubt they will make it past this too. I wouldn't have said there is no reason or warning, though. There are storm clouds in every direction. I guess I failed to communicate it properly.

Personally I'm not a fan of messing with alignment...
... judgements of character morality translated into mechanical D&D rules is tricky, especially when those rules are not telegraphed to the players in any way before they test it. With the amount of alignment-changing stuff here, someone who was a saint their whole life would be judged as a sinner because they used the wrong magic item, or because they didn't find an item they didn't know they were supposed to find, etc.

Indeed, IMHO dealing with character morality is the worst. The only way it works is for a particular DM to decide on doing things a certain way in his game. I have never met two DMs who do alignment the same way. If we didn't fight over editions around here, we might have arguments about alignment instead. Having said that, I picked my theme and had to follow through on it, come what may.

But I did telegraph what might happen with the stairs. The scales use the same system but are much less dangerous (you only need to get a +1 to avoid a fight, and even if you don't you can run away). They might be called a practise round. Multiple NPCs can tell you how things work (the Queen's servants remember building the stairs, the Gilded Ones can describe where they're from, Ernas and the demon know the whole story!). There is a book in the library, and quite a bit of evidence that the queen was not a nice person - comparing that to her current state makes one wonder how it happened? At the very least I should think most players would be asking "do I really want to try this out?" when they find the stairs.

Having said all that. I could have provided more detail about how things work.

And fuck me, the Helm of Opposite Alignment was a bit much given that there is also a cursed mask! I completely overlooked that doubling-up of item effects towards the deadline. I created a spreadsheet for total treasure, but not one for magic items. My bad!!

The Corruption mechanic feels more complicated than it should be, like it might just bog things down more than it makes fun.

I'm not sure what you're describing. On the stairs, you mean?

 

[squeen]

It's actually worse than that!!
If the group enters via the balcony then presumably they've flown up to the sanctum, which means they had to fly through the storm to get there, risking the lightning every round! I took this directly from the Manual of the Planes, p. 55. I debated on it for a while, but I decided to leave it in. My players have worked past everything else I've thrown their way, and I have no doubt they will make it past this too.

Totally agree. Trust your Players / locks without keys --- it's OK in my book.

 

[The1True]

I'd be interested to read a play report from this!

 

[Malrex]

So 8 + 9 + 7. A solid 24/30. Still waiting on Grutzi for the final reviews to see who is the ultimate champion!

 

[Grützi]

Will do my best to Finish the Reviews Soon.
Pretty busy with Family and Work right now.