I'll try to keep the exits clearly labeled. I like your Hostage Room
Here's some feedback:
a) The evidence of your senses is up front, which is good---staring with the monsters in the room. Also, the partially collapsed floor from above and walls, in particular. I get a great sense of environment from that. I also like the smell of the stew (and details), and the re-purposing of the boom tubes as lamps. It all gives me a nice post-apocalyptic vibe---Mad Max-esque. BigBryce talks about multi-layers of history weaving a more convincing tale.
b) A lot---and I think Bryce might say "too much"---is taken up by the topological description of the room, and as written, I'm still not sure I get it. Here's where the map comes into play. Byrce says use it. I am going to suggest we start including small inset maps for each room---just no passages. That way, the descriptions can leverage it as an info source. Either that...or we (all) are going to have to get a whole lot better with our spacial descriptions.
c) What is hacksilver? Should I already know? If it weights the same as regular silver, then there's 200-lb in each bag---too much for a band of fleeing orcs to have carried if pursued.
d) I prefer stat blocks, rather than in-line. Your thoughts? Let's hash this out.
e) We need to decide what boom tubes are. I admit, I picked the name in a sort of free-associative mental state hoping we could riff off of it. (Same thing with the Evolutionary Custodians.) The way the orc leader is use it, is like a gun...that's cool. Here's one other idea I had (post facto
Boom Tubes (concept 1)
Hollow cylinders created from bronze, mystically alloyed with a rare earth metal found only in the deep mines of this dungeon. The tubes are split in two at creation, and allow spell projection through their length. A magic-user spell cast into one end of a boom tube, emerges from the other end of the tube's matched pair---regardless of the distance between them. Each spell cast through the tubes has a chance of failure that also breaks the connection between tube-ends.
I thought this might allow a spell caster in a "Control Room" filled with boom tube halves to extend his/her powers throughout the complex. Clairvoyance/clairaudience
makes for video cameras/walkie-talkies. Fireball
and mounted tubes make for turret guns. etc. Stinking Cloud
can been used for crowd-control tear gas canisters. They essentially extend a wizard's reach.
The "Types" can either be the level of spells that can go through them...or the quality of the fabrication process which affects their chance of breakage per use (or both).
I thought this might make for a weird little dungeon economy and interesting items/applications for the PC's to mess with. I also considered a larger hook where all the magic-user's in the region are also disappearing and have somehow been enslaved (somewhere) as "spell machines" to power the complex.
It's no problem if we go another direction. Perhaps an Evolutionary Guard
are facilitating Hannatur's usage of it as a weapon because they can also use it to spy on the orcs.
Also, DUDE, will you please paste the Table of Contents from my post into the start of this thread?!?
I have some ideas about a larger dungeon theme (2nd level stuff), I'll save for later. But for now, I want to emphasize that I think the primary utility of this thread is, as you say, to hone our writing skills
. To that end, FEEDBACK
is essential. It needs to be given. It needs to be debated. It needs to be incorporated (by editing previous entries). That's the only
way we get better.
Honestly, the only reason I'm "here" is to learn. To be a better DM. To be a better writer. To be a better artist. That's it. If I'm not learning anything---then what's the point? Just another time suck.
And for any of us to learn, we need feedback
. We aren't always
blind to our own faults---but most the time, we truly are.
The Linux/Open Source Motto: "To enough eyes, all bugs are transparent."
I also wish (constantly) @bryce0lynch
would chime in, because we could really use his guidance. I know he's busy cranking out those weekly reviews at a prodigious rate, and also suffering from writer's angst/avoidance for his book, but I think he's missing an opportunity to T
each what he's learned from reviewing all those products to the few folks who show up here willing to listen. It's probably more productive at moving the future quality-needle than railing against an uncaring void (or even than writing his own mega-dungeon).
Have I made it painfully clear yet to all the lurkers in the house? That I am appalled by the general lack of constructive feedback? I mean, we have the mental energy to throw rotten tomatoes at ancient TSR modules, but none to help future writers or your fellow hobbyists willing to put themselves out there? In our Bat-Plague malaise, we can't even be bothered to press the "Like" or "Dislike" button
?!? It makes no sense...PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER PEOPLE! Where's your entrepreneurial GTC spirit gone now? Y'all were going to write a WORLD---but now, you can't even poop out one measly (non-empty) room?